Resistance is useless

ResistanceThere comes a time for many people when the Universe stops us in our tracks and forces us to question everything we have built and believed to be true. The moment may be triggered by a divorce, a death, a chance meeting or even just the casual words of a stranger. Whatever occurs, it will often have meaning only to you. But its impact will be massive.

What follows is usually a spin that leaves you feeling like your life is out of control. You will question everything and frequently resist the honesty of what you feel. You will fight it because if you are open, you will have to change your life. And you will have to change the lives of those around you

.You may have to say, ‘No, I don’t want this anymore. I want something different.’ You will feel like you are selfish and should be thinking of others and, as you transform, because the Universe will not let you rest until you do, others will judge and not understand you.

You will reach for things you never believed you could have but truly desire. You will set boundaries where they have been badly needed but never placed before.

Your world will crack open and you will need to rebuild it from the ground up.

This process is painful and must be done by you alone because you must invariably cast off everything that was, in order to create what will be.

You will need to walk away from that person you have been.

I have been through this process three times now in the past decade or so. And each time it has involved leaving things and/or people behind. I have not done it lightly but my soul has demanded that it occur. I have resisted the process every time.

The first time it happened, it was a chance meeting that began the process. What followed was more than two years of resistance, pain, transformation and ultimately the ending of my marriage. It was then followed by a roller coaster of experiences that helped me become someone very different.

The second time involved my psychic awakening and I have to tell you, that was no picnic either. It was painful and a sometimes frightening experience. And yes, I often resisted it too.

I should have realised by then that resistance was useless.

The third time was very recently when I was faced with a personal problem I desperately wanted to solve and yet could see no solution. The Universe stopped me in my tracks and demanded that I go within myself to find the answer. It would not let me simply coast along.

This time, after a few days, I stopped my brain (and my ego) long enough to connect into my intuition to find the way forward. I stopped resisting and instead faced that I must ‘get real’ and go within to find the truth. But I was terrified that if I did go inside myself and uncover what I truly wanted, I may have to let go of something I desperately wanted to have in my life. But I knew I must be brave enough to go there. I would have no peace until I did. I stepped back from the noise in the rest of my life and went within.

What followed was a change that, while it might seem small to others, was huge for me. I discovered a part of myself I never really believed was there. I was transformed and all these doors in my mind and life that I’d believed were sealed shut, blew open. I gained clarity that two weeks earlier, I didn’t believe was possible.

My transformation this time was much quicker than before because I gave up the resistance early. But I didn’t do it alone. This time I sought guidance and healing from people I could trust. They had my best interests at heart. They were the ones who didn’t have an agenda about what my life should look like. They just wanted to help me find my own way. And so I did.

So why am I sharing all this? Is there a point to this blog?

I’m sharing this story because there are people in my life right now, people I love dearly, who are going through exactly this process of transformation. Some of them have unexpectedly begun the journey while others have been struggling with it for years. They know they must change their life, they know their soul demands it, and yet their ego – that part of us that holds on to safety and wants things to stay exactly as they are – is resisting. My dear friends, just like I did, are fighting themselves to the death. It is painful for them and difficult for me to watch but I know they must complete the transformation into the person they are meant to be.

Each of them is terrified that if they look too closely at what is within their own hearts, they will need to change. They worry about hurting and disappointing others. They worry that they have to throw everything out and start again.

They may have to do all those things. Some of them will ultimately walk away from relationships, begin new careers or simply spring clean their life from the inside out. They will all have to change what is to become what must be. They may keep things or relationships or desires from before or discard them. Those things that are kept will be closely aligned to the more authentic version of who is being created. It may sound clichéd but they will emerge like a newborn, or a butterfly fresh from its chrysalis, to a new life that is full of more than they could ever have imagined was possible. And in this new life, they will allow themselves to reach for what they truly want.

But to reach that moment they will need to question everything – their beliefs and expectations, and the life they have so far chosen to live. They will need to crack open the box inside them, labeled ‘the truth about [name]’ and face what is inside. They will need to let things go.

They must go within. And the longer they resist, the harder it will get because they will not be allowed to resist for long. The Universe will simply push and push until they face the truth and take action.

Resistance will be useless.

Are you stifling your creativity?

MatisseHave you ever wondered how much more creative you could be in your life if you just had the time? Time to paint, draw, create your garden, write?

I stood in the office yesterday and found myself surrounded by people who felt exactly this way. They loved creating (and have incredibly wonderful artistic gifts) but had just let life, and perhaps a lack of faith in themselves, get in the way of what they longed to do.

It can happen so easily. We just get caught up in the dreadful minutiae of work and responsibilities and completely lose sight of what makes our heart sing.

So this is just a little reminder for all you wonderfully creative souls out there – make time in your life for your creations; value them and yourself. Give yourself permission to create the art you love, whatever form it may take. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t have to be prize-worthy. But it does have the right to exist and you deserve the time to create it.

The rest of your life will be more joyful because of it.

‘Anything can happen. Anything can happen all the time.’

AnythingI saw a great movie this morning that reminded me of the things that make life worth living. It was called, ‘This is where I leave you’ and was about a family (with the usual share of dysfunctions) who came together to mourn the loss of their father.

Dysfunctionality aside, it was about the choices we make in life and whether they lead to happiness or not; the trade-offs we make because we have this idea of what we think life should be like…but never quite is.

So often we plan ahead with this picture in our minds of how life should turn out, but it rarely ever ends that way. Sometimes we get disappointed about that. We think it should look like the picture and feel short-changed and frustrated if it doesn’t.

But what if that picture you have in your head is completely wrong? What if your life is meant to be so much more complicated, complex and truly wonderful than you could ever imagine?

It is the unexpected in my life that has led me to the most wonderful places – an unexpectedly and forced decision to leave a job opens the door to a new world of opportunity; a chance meeting that leads to a strong friendship; a book or an unplanned conversation that shows me a completely different way to live or think.

The unexpected is what creation is made of. And the illusion we give ourselves that our lives will proceed according to some plan we’ve made up is just that, an illusion built on expectations that are often not in our best interests anyway.

So be open to the unexpected. After all, as one character said in the movie today, ‘Anything can happen. Anything can happen all the time.’ So plan for the ‘anything’. Welcome it with open arms. Sometimes it may jolt your world, make you uncomfortable and yes, it may be painful. But the unexpected has magic in it too and we all need more of that.

Is it time to forgive yourself?

RegretI don’t think anyone on this planet can truly say they have lived a perfect and blameless life. We have all, every single one of us, done or said things we have regretted and even tried to pretend they never happened.

Unfortunately, those things we try to forget, lurk there in the back of our minds and rear their ugly heads when we least expect it. And then we torment ourselves with guilt or disappointment that we didn’t behave better at the time.

Worse still is when we confess our ‘sin’ to someone we care about and hope they won’t judge or think less of us in return.

But it’s at that moment that things can get interesting. Because if that person truly loves you as a friend, a lover or family member, they won’t judge you at all and they won’t think less of you either. Instead they will accept you as you are; a human being with weaknesses, frailties and emotions.

And in that moment you will realise that you should forgive yourself for the wrongs you believe you’ve done. Because those things can’t be undone, no matter how much you’d like them to be, and tormenting yourself is wasteful of your energy. Instead, forgive yourself and resolve to learn from your mistakes, not flagellate yourself for them.

After all, as I often tell my students, you will learn more from getting it wrong than you will ever learn from getting it right. And life is too short to carry all that guilt with you.

Are you living your reality, or someone else’s?

REalityMy good friends Susanna* told me recently that these days she creates her own reality. And before you begin to wonder if she is delusional, let me assure you she is not.

Instead, she has realised that it’s up to her to create her world and her own version of truth within it. Because it is so easy to go through life and accept the ‘truths’ that other people tell you. The ‘truths’ that life is hard and you shouldn’t aim too high. Or maybe it’s a truth you’ve made up for yourself – a combination of the knocks life has dealt you over time – the truths that you’re not good enough, or you’ll never get that job, that freedom, that boy (or girl).

And so it goes.

But what Susanna has discovered is another truth altogether. It’s the truth that we can choose what we believe in and live our lives accordingly. Yes, there will always be events and people who impact on our lives. But their version of the ‘truth’ is something you can accept or discard. Just the same as when that so-called truthful voice in your head tells you what isn’t possible, you can accept or discard that too.

The trick is to starve that version of truth and replace it with a far healthier one.

For example, when someone says your dream is too big and you should be more realistic, you can either accept that truth or say, ‘No. That’s not my truth. My truth is that I believe that I can shoot for the stars and I’m going to make it happen.’ And then you don’t give that other truth any more thought. You don’t dwell on it, or give it the time of day. You starve it until it’s no longer part of your reality.

And in an energetic sense, this very act helps your truth become reality. Because it is where you direct your energy that life begins, and the laws of attraction come into play. You may also find that the obstacles, those insurmountable mountains that once blocked your every move, dissipate and the way forward becomes clear.

So decide on your truth and create your world around it. Create the reality your heart wants to live in. And remember that truth is always in the eye of the beholder…so make sure your truth is worth holding on to.

You have the power to change your life

Begin it now.Have you ever looked at someone and thought, ‘Wow! How did they get that life? Why can’t my life be that great?’

Well, I have a message for you. You can get the life you want. You just have to start.

Part of me feels like I’m about to launch into a sales pitch but I’m not, really. I’m just writing this to let you know (yes, you!!) that you can create the life you want. You just need to choose it, right now, this minute. It’s in your hands.

You don’t need someone else’s permission or approval. I know you might think you do. Maybe you’ve been doing what everyone else wants for so long that you’ve forgotten you have a choice. Maybe you think looking out for your best interests is selfish.

Guess what, it is selfish. But that’s required. You can’t live your life for other people and be happy. It just won’t work. Instead you’ll see glimpses of true happiness in the lives other people are living.

So start your life now. Just take one small step, for you. Begin creating the life you want, slowly but surely.

You really do have the power.

Is it your year to take flight?

Since late last year I have thought of 2014 as ‘flight year’. I can’t tell you why exactly, but I’ve just felt this is the year so many of us will ‘take-off’ in our lives.

If 2013 was a year to purge ourselves of the old, 2014 is the year to let go of the last vestiges of our old luggage and take to the skies. It is our year to fly.

In the last few days it’s become even more clear to me that the Flight Year is indeed happening for many people I know. Their lives are taking unexpected turns and whereas previously they might have known exactly where they were going, this time the future is in many ways the great unknown.

They have not been passive participants in creating these changes in their lives. Instead they have decided to take a chance and trust themselves. This in itself has brought magical changes and opportunities for them.

One dear friend has recently, finally, begun to value herself and her business rather that relying so much on the approval of others. She’s seen opportunities and instead of saying, ‘I can’t do that’ she decided to say ‘Yes, I’m going to give it a shot.’ The financial and career opportunities are now pouring in and taking her in new and exciting directions she never dreamed were possible.

Another friend is leaving the city to return home, save money and then head overseas for as yet unplanned adventures. She’s always wanted to work overseas but was never quite sure how to make it happen. Then a change in her workplace made her realise she could do it. Now was the time. She decided to move back home and suddenly lucrative work opportunities in her home town were knocking on her door. She asked for what she wanted and has definitely received the financial assistance she needs. Next year she will be on a plane to Europe and her adventure will really begin.

The key to my friends beginning their Flight Year was a clear decision to take a chance and be open to change and opportunity. Once they did this, the Universe did the rest. An equally conscious decision to believe in themselves and let go of behaviour that wasn’t serving them anymore, also helped.

I have other friends who are about to begin their Flight Year. They are teetering on the edge of their old life, peering into the distance and trying to see what’s up ahead. And that is what’s holding them back. They must each make a conscious decision to leave behind the old before they can fully step into the new. They must decide to finish that project, relationship, job or business and walk away without having a clear or exact vision of what lays ahead. They must choose to take a chance on themselves and step into the unknown.

Once this happens the Universe will step in to assist (as it always does) and their next real adventure will begin. They may find themselves arriving at unexpected destinations they would never have planned. But it is through that journey they will still, most definitely, end up precisely where they are supposed to be.

So if you find yourself hesitating, remember that to realise your potential you must first trust in yourself. And secondly, you must trust that the Universe is looking after you and will help you to see the way ahead. You must also be prepared to let go of those parts of your life that are no longer right for you. Only after all this, can you begin your Flight Year.