Is it time to stop playing the victim?

DefineI’m going to put my hand up this morning and say I can pretty good at playing the victim.

I can be hurt by someone then recoil into a ‘poor me’ vortex that can go on for days, months or yes (I’m very ashamed to admit) years. Instead of stepping back and looking at what has really gone on, I play the victim. I am the one who has been hurt. I am the one that something awful has been done to.

The truth is yes, sometimes I am technically the ‘victim’. I have been going about my business like any other day when WHAM! I’m hit with someone else’s toxic fall out. And it’s normal that I should feel hurt, angry and upset in that situation. After all, I haven’t done anything to deserve it. I was just minding my own business, doing my best. Right?

But with the benefit of hindsight (which is always valuable but can take a long time to kick in), I am getting a little better at seeing those incidents more objectively.

The truth is yes, some people may have got of the bed that morning and thought, ‘Today my goal is to completely destroy Lucy’s self-esteem and faith in the goodness of love and humankind.’

That might be true. Or maybe not.

Perhaps I did something consciously or unconsciously to piss them off and they simply responded to that behaviour.

That could be true.

Or perhaps they deliberately caused me pain because their own pain was so great, they didn’t know what else to do. They didn’t know how to let their pain out in a healthy way so they scatter-gunned it all over me because I just happened to be there – wrong place for me, right time for them.

When I think about it, I’m sure I’ve been just as guilty of this behaviour because like everyone else walking around on the planet, I am human not perfect.

However, when this situation arises we often direct our pain at those who are closest to us. And the last people we ever want to hurt receive the sometimes crushing emotional blows we dish out.

The fall-out can be devastating. Relationships end over this kind of stuff. Families stop talking to each other, friends walk away, and wars on small and global scales begin because of this situation.

It’s also when we start playing the victim. We can let that story, that situation full of pain, become our only story in life. It can become a turning point that we revisit again and again, shaping and molding the restrictions we put on our emotional development. We might say, ‘Well this person did this, so I’m not going to trust people again.’

‘That person hurt me so badly that I can never forgive them.’

We might take it further and think, ‘That person said X and Y and maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not worth more.’

And so our story goes on and we sit in that swirling pain, wallow in it, justifying why what has happened to us is awful and how we deserved better.

You know what, sometimes I have definitely deserved better. I haven’t asked someone to tear my soul to ribbons. I’ve been doing my best and the pain thrown my way by a stranger or someone I care about has been devastating. Sometimes it’s even undone me for a while.

But in my finer moments, when I can remove my poor, bruised and battered heart and ego out of the way, I realise I can play the victim and let those moments define me, or I can go another way.

I can choose to grow from them. I can look at the situation and ask myself, what role did I play in creating that? How did my response affect the outcome? What was really going on for that person in that moment? How much pain were they in and was I just collateral damage?

Once I start to consider these things I can, eventually, make some peace with the situation and let it go a little. I can stop playing the victim and instead empower myself to move forward and grow.

I’m not saying it’s easy. I think it takes a lot to release emotional pain fully and perhaps I will carry fragments of those moments with me forever. But I don’t want to play the victim forever. I want to transform that pain into something that takes me forward. I have a choice in the matter.

More importantly, I want to come to a place more easily of forgiving those who may cause the pain. And it’s amazing how empowering that feeling of forgiveness can be. You can look at that person and think, ‘You know what. Your behaviour was crap and the pain you caused was awful. And I still feel angry and upset sometimes. But I understand where you were at when it happened and I know most of it had nothing whatsoever to do with me. So I forgive you and myself (because I’m sure I did/said stuff that wasn’t great either) and I send you love anyway.’

And surely that is the most empowering thing of all. It’s certainly much better than playing the victim.

Is it time to believe in your dream?

DreamsA few days ago I wrote about committing to your dream; making a commitment to yourself about the thing you desire in order manifest it in your life. After all, if you’re not committed to creating that eventuality, it’s never going to show up.

I also suggested that, in order to manifest that thing, you must believe it’s possible. You must believe it, even if all your previous life experiences tell you otherwise.

This is a big call to make.

What if you’ve watched other people try to create what you want, and they’ve failed? How can you think you’ll be any different?

That is the trick though, isn’t it? If you think about the great inventors or leaders of history, they surely looked around at others who had tried before and didn’t make it. Consider Nelson Mandela, a freedom fighter who believed in peace and that apartheid in South Africa could eventually end. How many times was he told, ‘It’s not possible. The odds are too great.’ Yet this one man was instrumental in ending that repression because he believed it was possible.

Consider Leonardo da Vinci. He believed humans could fly and I’m pretty sure he was told repeatedly that it wasn’t possible. Yet today our skies are filled with planes transferring their precious human cargo from one landing strip to the next. Da Vinci believed it was possible and, although he only drew the sketches in his lifetime, today those flying machines are a reality.

Many of us may be persuaded to abandon our dreams because of what other people say and believe. We can think our dreams are unrealistic because it’s all been done before and people have failed.

But if you want to manifest something in your life, you must believe it’s possible even if other people tell you that you’re deluded. You must believe in it with all your heart. There are no half measures with this stuff. You must back yourself 100 percent if you wish to manifest this thing in your life.

And it doesn’t matter what your dream is. It could be big or small. Maybe you want to travel to a foreign country before you die, work in that dream job everyone tells you that you’re not good enough for, or maybe you want to create a home for yourself just the way you like it. Or perhaps it’s to find that one person who makes you feel loved in every part of your soul.

Whatever your dream, whatever your desire, you must believe it’s possible.

So if you want that thing, if you really, really want it, first make that commitment to yourself. Then believe it is possible.

And after that, follow the signs the Universe sends you.

Commit to your dream

CommitYesterday I was dwelling on something I really want and trying to work out how it could come to pass. How? How could this think I really want ever happen when it seems impossible right now?

My mind tore at the problem this way and that. How?

Now, my inner guidance has shown me repeatedly that this thing will come to pass and it’s all about timing. I just need to live my purpose and all will be fine. But still my mind won’t let it go. So I torment myself. It’s not much fun.

But yesterday morning something new happened. A voice inside me said, ‘Commit. Commit to it.’

‘Commit. Commit. Commit.’

The word reverberated through every part of me and drowned out every other thought and doubt.

‘Commit. Commit to what you want. Commit to it.’

The voice was insistent and I finally decided to listen.

This thought in my head, this thing I desire to have in my life, needed a commitment.

So I committed. I acknowledged that I am committed to that thing happening in my life. I acknowledged that I cannot understand the ‘how’ and that much of it is out of my control. But I committed to it anyway.

It was time for me to step up and out of my doubt. It was time to believe and commit. So I have. And I feel so much better for it.

If you desire something with your whole heart, it’s not enough to think about it as something that’s in the distance; something that’s never going to be real. You have to commit to it happening.

You may have no idea how your dream could ever become a reality. But if you don’t commit to it, it will never be a reality.

Commitment to your dream is one of the first steps towards manifesting that beautiful thing in your life. So commit to it. And then wait for the Universe to show you the next step. Because there will be other steps. And they will involve believing it’s possible, knowing that you deserve that thing you desire and a whole lot of other things. But the first step, is definitely committing to it.

So commit. Be courageous and commit.

When are you going to realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with you?

perfectWhen are you going to realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with you? You are perfect just the way you are, and all those imperfections and faults you see when you look in the mirror are part of being human.

Yes, in this lifetime you will be tested and frequently asked by the Universe to be a better version of yourself. You will be asked to give more than you have ever given. You will be asked to let go of the way things used to be and you will resist it. That is life.

You will be asked to dig deep. To plunge into the depths of your soul and discover that which is hidden from the rest of the world – your shadows and the gifts that are unique to you.

Sometimes you will run and hide. You may run for months, years, decades. You will seek to flee from the very things your soul desires – love, purpose, joy. You may instead explore the darkest parts of yourself and that too is how it should be. For after all you are human, and here to learn all there is to know about yourself too.

But sooner or later, for most of us I hope it is sooner, you will realise you are perfect just the way you are. You will have faith in your ability to bring light into the world; faith in your ability to give love from the deepest parts of you.

Your hidden frustrations and anger will dissipate because you will stop being frustrated and angry with yourself. You will know that love is offered to you in a hundred ways every day. You just need to open your heart to receive it.

And yes, you will keep improving and making mistakes every day until you pass over into the next world.

But you will have peace in this lifetime because you’ll know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And you will know that the people who love you see that too.

Are you ready to reveal yourself?

matterI recently found myself confronted with a challenging situation. I was having a conversation with someone I didn’t know very well and I said my friend Priscilla had been staying with me for a while as part of her couch-surfing, spiritual journey.

‘What does she do?’ he asked.

‘She’s a healer,’ I said.

‘What do you mean a healer?’

As I explained a little about Priscilla – she is a cranio-sacral practitioner and a spiritual healer, I could see his mind struggling to comprehend my words.

‘Do you mean like crystal skulls and things?’ he asked.

‘Um, not quite.’

Our conversation progressed with me eventually saying, ‘You know I’m like that too, right? I’m a psychic.’

The look on his face was pretty interesting.

At that point, our conversation could have gone downhill. You see, this man only knew me as a university tutor and freelancer. He had no understanding of this other part of me and didn’t know what to do. For a moment or two, I thought he might try to laugh it off. He came pretty close. So I sat there to see what would happen next.

I also experienced a feeling I haven’t had for a while and it was something close to fear – fear of not being accepted for who I am.

I’ve become pretty good at being open about my ‘extra gifts’ for a while now. Usually people are incredibly open and curiosity is their first point of call. But still there are moments when I’m not sure how people are going to react and that snaky fear of judgement sneaks its head out.

Fortunately, curiosity won the day. The man didn’t laugh and my fears abated.

It’s a challenge to be your true self and live an authentic life. People will understand life based own perspectives and experiences and your choices may challenge where they’re coming from. That can be uncomfortable.

But if you’re going to live your truth and walk your soul’s path, then you have to be honest about who you are and know that even if others judge you, it doesn’t really matter. The most important thing is that you are being true to yourself.

The Gifts of Self-Awareness

onionsI was reviewing some old posts and realised that, while I’ve often highlighted the challenges of growing self-awareness, I haven’t always shared the beautiful things I’ve gained in the process. So today I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned and been gifted along the way.

Compassion

As I’ve travelled my path and sometimes been pushed to my limits I’ve learned that we all share those moments. And, like me, sometimes people aren’t their best selves when they feel they’re in a corner and can’t find a way through. I find it easier to understand that when people lash out, it’s really because of their own pain and frequently has nothing to do with me at all. So I try to show compassion and send them love to help them get through it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel angry and hurt – I’m not an angel. But it’s harder to hold onto that stuff because as I try to be kinder to myself, I’m also kinder to others.

Forgiveness

As you become more self-aware, you are forced to face your shadows, your frailties and the things you are ashamed of. You see all those times when you could have done better, yet didn’t. It’s hard to look at those parts of yourself but when you ‘go there’, when you go to that place where you are the darkest, you are at some point reminded you are only human and therefore prone to mistakes. Somehow this knowledge makes it easier to let it go and show yourself forgiveness. You learn it’s not about letting yourself ‘off the hook’. Instead it’s about doing your best, knowing that’s all you can do, and then forgiving yourself if you stuff it up. Once you learn to do that, you find it so much easier to forgive others too because you know they are also just doing their best.

Understanding

The deeper I go the more I realise there is always another layer of understanding. Just when I think I’ve got to the bottom of an issue and moved on, it rears its head in another way demanding another look. And with every new understanding I gain about myself, I learn more about others. We are like onions, composed of layer after layer of glorious complexity. Sometimes peeling back a layer makes you cry. Other times it makes you laugh and throws open a door to magic. The learning is never done and understanding is always growing.

There are so many other things I’ve learned (and am still learning) and I will share more another day. But for now, know that although the road to self-awareness is sometimes challenging, you will receive gifts of incredible beauty along the way.

Are you being pulled in another direction?

authenticIt’s been an interesting couple of days for me. As a psychic I often have spiritual growth spurts when new information drops in whether I like it or not. Sometimes this is challenging because it makes me see things a different way. My boundaries are pushed and the Universe asks me to go further into my awareness and expand myself and my capacity. Quite frankly, it can turn my world upside down and inside out as realisations challenge everything that has gone before.

The last few days have been like that. In one instance, I walked past someone and, although I know them well and felt their energy in every part of me, my eyes didn’t recognise them because I saw only the mask they were showing the rest of the world. I knew the person underneath but I didn’t recognise the person they were showing to the outside world.

That was a shock for me, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. When we try to play a role we believe is expected of us, we all put on a mask. It’s how we cope. ‘Maybe if I act like everything is okay and act like this role fits me, it will,’ we think.

But it doesn’t work.

Most people will be taken in by the mask because we can be very convincing. We will even convince ourselves that it fits for a while. But eventually our mask will slip, usually when we find ourselves with  time on our hands and no one is around to distract us, and that’s when the realisations really start. Our mask falls to the floor and we realise we can’t and don’t want to play that role anymore. We don’t want to be that person we’re ‘supposed’ to be. We have to look at ourselves, go deep and face the truth within.

We want something different. We want to be the person we are on the inside. And often that person, our authentic self, is not the person we’ve been raised to be or who our culture expects us to be.

Some of us, maybe even you, will still try to wear the mask. And you may succeed for a while. But it will never really fit properly because the Universe will be asking you to go in another direction. It’s asking you to follow your heart and be who you truly are. And it’s asking you to listen to your inner voice to help you get where you need to be.

I know the person I saw the other day will have to remove their mask eventually and their outside will match their inside again. I’m looking forward to that day because that person on the inside is amazing.

In the meantime I know I can help other people who have already felt their mask slip.

I’m running a course that will help them find their way back to their authentic selves and empower them to chart their own path forward in a way that fits them.

If you’d like to know more and it feels right for you, I’d encourage you to visit the information on this website about my Nights for Spiritual Beginners – Introductory Course (see http://wp.me/Pirqj-g1) which begins this Wednesday in Brisbane. I’d love to see you there.